This is my 2015.
2 new jobs (of which I only kept one).
One new sport.
25cm of hair, donated.
1 open-air theatre show, watched.
6 visits to the cinema.
79 Instagram photos.
Almost 1500 views, 1000 visitors, and 250 likes on this blog.
Over 100 new followers on Tumblr.
Over 100 new followers here on WordPress.
A couple of friends, lost.
Countless chats and messages to & from other friends.
Not enough visits to those same friends.
Countless therapy sessions.
Almost no panic attacks.
A whole new identity & mindset.
Insane amount of – visible! – progress made.
In 2015, I learned. I learned about astronauts, and about Achilles. I learned about the planet Mars, and I learned about lesbians in Victorian England. I learned about good work attitudes, and I saw examples of bad work attitudes. I learned about real dinosaurs with feathers, about the scientist who’s trying to devolve chickens into T-rexes, and I learned about fictional women running from a T-rex in high heels. I learned about small villages in southern Italy where the traditional houses have pointy hats, and I learned about frustration and exhaustion and fear.
I might not be where I wanted to be – I definitely didn’t expect to be 26, living with my parents while working a retail job. But the truth is, that compared to the 1st of January 2015, I’m in a much better place now. I’ve gained so much knowledge about, and confidence in, myself. I still get scared – I don’t think that’ll ever end. But I’m much better (most of the time) at handling it.
I still have a lot of work to do, and I don’t expect this to be linear progression forwards in 2016. There will be setbacks, there will be moments where I’m tempted to just give up. And sometimes, there might be things I actually give up on.
But you know what? That’s ok. That’s fine. That’s part of being human. 2015 was not a perfect year, but it was definitely my best year since 2011. It’s been an adventurous year, even if I didn’t venture much out of this region. But I definitely left my comfort zone countless times, did things I was terrified of. I am learning to confront my fears, face them head on, and I’m succeeding at it. And if sometimes I have to sit out on something because I tried too hard and it made me nauseous, then that’s ok. It’s a new thing learned, a new line crossed, and a sign I’ve been working at something real hard.
2015 was a good year, a good start of new things, new beginnings. Now, it’s time for the real work. It’s time to step up my game, and work on bigger challenges and face bigger fears.
It’s going to be terrifying, but it’s also going to be so, so good. And I am ready.