Last week, I had something of a productivity spree (although updating this blog didn`t seem to be part of it). So when I noticed several #dearme videos coming along on my subscriptions page, I figured this was a good idea and I`d hop right on the bandwagon! Which I did.
So this video is a letter to my teenage self, somewhere around age 16. Sixteen year old me was most definitely a different person from current me. I was more intense (though also more lazy), understood even less of the world than I do now, but I was also very much unapologetically myself at that time. I did rebel, in a way, even if it was very little compared to pretty much everyone else.
It`s strange to look back those 9 years since I was 16, and see someone who is essentially myself but at the same time isn`t. I do have a tendency to assume I`ve always been the same, and my memories do get very fuzzy, but once I start thinking about it properly, I really did change a lot. And it`s good to remind myself sometimes that I have developed, I have evolved, I have changed, and I will do so again and again and again. It`s a good reminder that I won`t always be stuck in this rut of depression and unemployment either.
And it`s good to look back on the things that I`ve done, and realise that 1)yes, I`ve done some shitty things and said shitty things and things sucked and there have been and still are very rough times, but also 2) I have done amazing things and I am growing and working on my problematic side. No one is born perfect and non-problematic, and even though it`s a constant exhausting struggle, it`s worth it to look back every now and then and realise it wasn`t all for nothing.