For the third year now, I`m joining NaNoWriMo. Three years of writing novels, two years of writing a blog semi-regularly, and a lifetime of writing stories and essays and anything I felt like writing (which was quite a lot).
And yet, as soon as I sit down to work on an idea, I get very insecure. I can feel this nasty pit developing in my stomach, and it consists of questions like:
Is my idea even good enough?
Why would anyone want to read this?
Why do my sentences suck so much?
Why can`t I write amazing headcanons in a reply to an ask on Tumblr like all those people I follow?
Why can`t I write amazing things like all those writers I love?
Surely I can never make it as a writer?
Will this book be the one that ever gets published? Is there an audience for it? Is it written well enough? Will I be that laughing stock author who`s known for her bad writing?
I`m sure that anyone reading this who writes will understand these.
You see, I was just now googling “writing insecurity” because this is exactly what`s happening right now. I don`t feel like my nano story is up to par, I don`t feel like I`m a good writer, I feel like I`m neglecting this blog (and that I`m not of particularly good quality here either). I`m not usually that bothered by it – to be honest, I`m generally glad I`m writing anything in the first place. It`s a challenge enough for me to get things done and not just sit around and mope all day.
But some days it just gets worse. And these past few days, that`s been happening.
So to anyone who is out there doing nanowrimo or a blog or anything and who is feeling very insecure: we all get that. Try not to worry about it too much. Write it off. And then continue writing anyway. Push through it. You can always edit it, or look back on it and think “actually, that`s kind of good”. The point is that you`re doing something. You`re creating, you`re putting words together in the way only you can.
And that`s pretty rad.