(I`m writing this after a long day out and about, already half lying down in my bed and really tired, so if I`m not making any sense or making tons of mistakes, well. Sorry. In advance. Be prepared for some rambling.)
Today was International Coming Out Day. I didn`t celebrate it, I suppose. Not in the real `celebration` type of meaning. Instead, I spent it with my volunteer work, a local LGBT organisation. We had a little stand in a city about an hour away from my home, where we handed out some information and a lot of lollipops (with our organisation`s name, logo, website etc stapled to the package).
It was fun, though the main organisation of the event (not done by us) was a bit of a mess and I got some weird comments. But overall, considering how scared I was of the general response, I think it`s safe to say my faith in humanity has been restored a bit. The people who declared the amount of discrimination towards LGBT people absolutely insane and outdated outweighed the amount of people who ignored us or declared they hated us. And by “outweigh” I mean that I personally only talked to one or two strange people, and heard maybe one more story from a colleague. Everyone else was positive. So that`s good! Progress indeed.
When I got home, I tried to make a video about this day. It failed. I`ll honestly admit I did not like this video. I tried uploading it anyway. It failed. I didn`t mind.
I didn`t mind, because I`d have felt guilty and very unhappy about uploading it anyway. Yes, I really wanted to do *something* for coming out day, preferably a video. But I also don`t want to compromise quality this much. I`m usually willing to give in a bit, but this video was just really not good enough and it wasn`t something I could be proud of uploading. I like to think this proves how serious I am (at times) about my channel. I`m not willing to ruin it by just uploading anything. Not anymore.
I used to do this – I used to just upload everything, regardless of how I really felt about it and regardless of how much effort I really put in it. I rushed through making it, just because I wanted it done and uploaded as quickly as possible. I still do that, though I`m trying to unlearn.
Tomorrow I`ll try making something better again. For today I`m okay with having tried.
(in the meantime, here`s my most recent letters to autumn)