Until a couple of months ago, I had my own little YouTube channel. I started it in the winter of 2012, just a few weeks before Becoming Youtube started, and I continued it on and off until this year. After I moved back to my parents, I was breaking all ties with my previous life and trying to start again, and YouTube was one of the things I just didn`t identify with anymore. I didn`t have the motivation to continue making videos anymore, I felt like I wasn`t getting anywhere (and I wasn`t, really), my depression took over, and I officially decided to quit my channel.
This coincided with a very rough period within the YouTube community, with allegations of sexual abuse, power abuse by popular YouTubers, and a massive discussion on consent, abuse, and relationships with fans. This period, combined with my already existing lack of motivation, left me wholly disillusioned with the whole scene.
But apparently I still can`t let go.
And the truth is, that YouTube has been a massive part of my life for almost two years, and -despite not getting anywhere with my own channel- has given me some awesome experiences and a nice world to return to.
Then last week, when I was already toying around with some ideas for a new channel, I was called if I wanted to appear on national TV to talk about my unemployment. I accepted, and during filming I realised two things:
1) that I`m much more comfortable around camera`s than I expected, so apparently I did improve a lot.
2) that, when people ask me what I do with my time, I`m still proud to be able to say I run my own YouTube channel. It might not be much of a channel, but it`s all mine, everything on it is 100% made by me and I`m proud of my achievements, even if I`m not super happy with my old videos.
So I decided to return. Part of this decision is also my ongoing unemployment, which means I both need something to do with my time, and I wanted to continue developing these skills, even if just to make my own life a bit more interesting and become a more well-rounded person who actively does things instead of passively lying around all the time.
Now here I am again, with an official relaunch of my own channel, tons of ideas for new videos (whether or not I have the skills right now to make them the way I want to is a whole other discussion), a new channel name – though I can`t change the URL, unfortunately -, and less expectations and promises and more of a focus on learning and having fun.
Now, who`s with me on this renewed journey?