(Almost) Summer update: “I’m not where I need to be, but thank god I’m not where I used to be.”

Hi guys! 

I know, it`s been ages. Happens every once in a while, I guess. I just lose my groove, so to speak, and end up doing nothing but watching tv (currently watching Parks and Recreation) and movies for a very long time and nothing else that`s even remotely productive. So I thought, let`s try to get out of this strut by giving you guys a new update on what`s been going on in my life! 

First of all: I am trying to work a new sport schedule and a new sleep schedule into my life. It`s not normally recommended to both at once, I think, but as it happens I prefer running early in the morning when everything`s still quiet and the temperature hasn`t gone up to level Dante`s Inferno just yet. As for running, I tried it last year – didn`t work out too great – so this is attempt #2. I`m using an app on my phone called Zombies, Run! (5K), which so far is absolutely marvellous. I have the beginner`s version, which is like a couch-to-5K type of program to really help get you into proper shape to run 5K. It still has the story around the zombie apocalypse and the mystery and the interesting characters but not as much of the items-gathering or being chased by zombies, which is perfect for the couch potato like me who can barely run 100m without a heart attack. I`m only in week 2, but so far quite enjoying it! 

Secondly: I have an actual job interview for an actual job next week! Suffice to say I`m tense already. But it looks like it might be a really interesting position, it`s right here in my hometown but for an international company, and basically? Fingers crossed. I`ve had job interviews before, but never for a “proper” educated job so this should be interesting at least. I`ve actually gotten a couple of replies recently, missed out on a couple already unfortunately, but just the fact that I`ve been getting calls and invitations is a very good sign to me that things are going better than before. 

In fact, I also had an interview a while ago at a local newspaper for freelance reporter. They seemed to be quite happy with me, although unfortunately I have not heard from them since the interview. I`ve decided to not wait for their test-assignment anymore though, and write my own article and send it to the wrong person albeit, but in the general right direction and then see what happens. I just need a topic, which is more difficult than expected considering I only recently moved back here and I have no clue what`s going on. 

(Mental) health wise I`ve been an absolute mess though, which is slightly worrying. I`ve been going up and down in terms of mood like insane, with weeks where I`m doing magnificent and everything is great and I`m really happy, and weeks where I just slump around doing nothing but watching tv and sleeping because I feel so worthless and upset and I might cry at the tiniest thing (which is the mood I`m at while writing is, actually – this blog has always been a kind of therapy for me). I still have to wait two weeks for the first meeting at the new therapist, so here`s to hoping I don`t mess up too badly before then. 

Still, I saw a really good quote on Tumblr the other day: 

I’m not where I need to be, but thank god I’m not where I used to be.

And that`s what I`m going to keep in mind from now on. I`m in a much better place now than I was a year ago, and that`s the most important thing right now. I don`t have to be “cured” right this instant. I just have to be better than before and keep working on that. I like to think I`m doing a pretty marvelous job on that, at least. It gets difficult, insanely difficult at times, and my own mind likes to betray me and convince me none of this is true and that I`m rubbish and worthless, but at the times where I do recognise my progress, it`s all worth it. 

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