Oof, it`s been a while since I`ve done one of these. It`s been a while since I did anything on this blog, really. I`ve been without any kind of inspiration or motivation to write lately. But good to see I still have the same subscribers and I still get multiple views daily! So there`s something I`m very, very grateful for. Keep up the good work, guys! I`ll try and do the same.
I haven`t been entirely idle in the past couple of months though. In fact, it`s been a rather strange year so far. Let`s start with the basics:
Still there! I uploaded two video`s recently, and another one is coming up soon. I`m in fact planning several ones after this one, too! No promises, as per usual. But here`s the two most recent ones anyway for your viewing pleasure:
Still nothing, alas. I`ve had a couple of job interviews though, which is definitely a step in the good direction so I`m quite pleased with that, at least. It`s still upsetting though when you try so hard, and you still don`t get anywhere. I`m currently still waiting for news on a couple of applications, but in all honesty, it gets hard. I`m nearing the 2 year mark since I started searching for a job, and to think I`ve only had the more crappy jobs in the meantime or nothing at all, is not a nice thought. They say the economy is getting better and that there`s more job openings, but I`m still in a pretty bad position with a lot of gaps on my CV, no work experience, but not a recent graduate either. Still, I keep trying. Not much of a choice, is there? I have however made a very conscious decision lately to not just apply for Every Single Thing out there. I kind of figured, I don`t have that much time on this planet, so no use in stressing about a job I do have more than about not having a job at all. It`s not worth the time and effort and (often very little) pay to risk my –already wobbly at best – mental health for.
Is going surprisingly well. I have to say I`m not 100% comfortable with it, and I often don`t know how to express how I feel about both what`s happening and about therapy itself. I did talk about it today with my therapist, and she seemed understanding, but we so often seem to misunderstand each other I do sometimes wonder if I`m in the right hands with her.
Still, I seem to have very little attacks of OCD/hypochondria lately, and even fewer panic attacks. I`ve even managed to reach a few goals I`d set for myself, even if just temporary. My mood has also been a lot better lately, with a lot of good days (or at least couple of hours somewhere in the day). I`m not “good” yet, not fully functioning, so to speak, but it`s been getting better.
The rest of my life:
Ah, now here the chaos begins. You see, because of the failing job search and the consequence of a severe lack of money and funds, I`ve made the decision to move back to my parents` house. My father and brother are coming over next week Saturday to pick up me and my belongings. I`ll be leaving this city I`ve come to love so dearly, and I`ll also be leaving my friends and my independence. It`s been one of the toughest decisions I`ve made in a long while. But to be completely honest: I`m kind of okay with it now. Things have been so rough here lately, with the constant stress of “how do I pay my rent this month” combined with therapy and having to watch the people around me do all the fun things I want to do but can`t afford. There`s been some other personal drama things I won`t go into here, but suffice to say I`m looking forward to being able to calm down a bit. I stopped seeing it as a step backwards in a bad way, and started to see it instead as a return to ground base, where I can recollect myself and find new ways and new directions. Less bills and responsibilities, more rest.
I`m also expecting to last about two weeks before I get bored and irritated out of my mind and start shooting the wall a la Sherlock.
Still, for now I`m kept busy with arranging everything that needs to be arranged when one moves house to a different part of the country. Address changes, new doctors and dentists, insurances, boxes to put my stuff in, cleaning up the place I`m in now and getting everything organised, etc etc. I`ve been here for 3,5 years, so I`ve managed to gather quite a lot of belongings. Oh dear.
So there we go, a somewhat superficial update on my life in its current state. I do have a movie review coming up again soon (12 Years A Slave) and another one sometime after I moved (Captain America 2), and I realise I`m way behind on book reviews so I might use my newfound free time to catch up on that, too. As usual though: no promises. I think you all know by now what I`m like with my promises, after all 😉