Hello there! *does a nervous little wave*
So just an update on what`s going on. I figure that might be good, too, once in a while? In between all the posts on movies, books, and anxiety/depression (yes, I am well aware that that is what I mostly blog about. Err, sorry? This one won`t be very different. Apologies in advance.)
First of all: nanowrimo. I`m slightly ahead of my own schedule, with 12.200 words in. I`m mostly really very glad to have passed the 10.000 mark on time. It`s like just that small fact is giving me enough motivation to just keep going. I have to admit though: it`s been tougher than expected. The story isn`t quite what I want it to be, in some places it`s horribly rushed and in other places too slow, it feels more like a travel description (“and then he went here, and then they went there, and then they all sat down and had a cup of tea together”) than an actual novel. Though I suppose that` s what editing is for. It`s what you get with no planning of things whatsoever. It`ll work out eventually. I hope. We`ll see. (Stay tuned for a bonus excerpt!)
To be fair though, nanowrimo is one of the few things keeping me slightly sane at the moment, even if I have to magically find extra energy to actually get it done every day. But at least this is one thing I know how to do. And at least there`s a story, a different world, all mine, that I can revel in and get lost in and have fun working out.
Secondly: this week and last week have been absolutely insane. It`s why I haven`t posted much. Aside from finding out I`m possibly not insured (the jury`s still out, as my parents keep switching opinions), I`ve also realised last week that if I don`t find a proper, full-time long-term job soon I`ll be in very, VERY deep trouble. There`s been some trouble with my bank account, too.
I`ve had fights with my parents, because they decided to put the blame for lack of insurance on me, despite them insisting for over a year that they`d take care of it all and I`d be fine. Then they got upset when I told them this is why I don`t trust people.
So I decided to take care of all insurance-issues on my own, and then clamped shut because I have absolutely no idea what I`m doing but I do know I can`t actually afford paying for all those extra things. Panic all around. So I now have a 15-point-long to-do list next to my computer, that makes me want to cry whenever I even think about it.
Luckily, my insomnia kicked in hard, and I`ve been working on so many things at once that I`ve all but stopped sleeping. I`m too busy and too stressed for it anyway. I literally am incapable of sitting down and relaxing until I`ve fixed more of this mess. The problem here being that I don`t even know where to start fixing it.
I did send out a job application today, the first one in months` time. Made a brand-new shiny CV and everything. But after 1,5 year (heading to 2 years) of job applications and a constant stream of rejections, it`s hard to muster up the motivation and energy to keep going. It`s even harder to keep believing that at some point I might actually get a job.
And people still wonder why I have depression. “But surely you don`t need that?” Have you even looked at my life?
In terms of procrastination, I haven`t been doing much of it. I usually spend a lot of time watching TV series, watching films, reading books. Internet, too. Of course. But with all the stress (and the accompanying anxiety skyrocketing and the lack of sleep making me more vulnerable to panic attacks), I haven`t found much time or patience for it yet.
That said, I did find a fan fic that I absolutely loved. Fun fact about me: I used to read a lot of fan fiction. As in, a LOT. In fact, I learned most of my English through fan fiction, which probably explains a lot about my use of English.
I`ve been thinking of starting fan fiction reviews as well, on top of the other reviews, because to me fan fiction is a form of art that deserves to be recognised and treated as such. Just because the authors do it voluntarily, and just because the characters aren`T usually theirs, doesn`t mean there aren`t absolute jewels of works out there that deserve some extra attention. I`ve read better fan fiction than published books. What do you guys think? Should I do that? Should I not? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments!
So there you go, all up-to-date again on a stranger`s life. And I will hopefully see you all soon with better news than this mess they call a life.
(Please note that this excerpt is still horrible and unedited and, you know, horrible).
The next day was a Friday, and it was the start of the Invasion. Apparently the pirates themselves called it the Asylum. Darius assumed it was because even they themselves recognised how mentally challenged a lot of them were. He could think of no other reason to call it Asylum anyway.
The start of the Invasion meant that the sky (already cloudy to begin with) was now filled with airships. The entire village was covered in a permanent shadow, the sun and sky barely visible. It was noisy, too. Aside from all the engines above, and the creaking of wood and metal, there were also the pirates themselves. A noisy lot they were, Darius thought bitterly.
He had to admit they had organised quite a lot of things to do, though the exact reason they always showed up here at this time of the year was still unclear to Darius. But on the castlefields alone he saw markets, archery, vehicle races. There seemed to be a small army training, no doubt belonging to the fleet that had arrived yesterday afternoon, taking over a particularly large patch of sky with all their ships.
He noticed that this year there didn`t seem to only be pirates, too. They still had the upperhand, but he did also see some miners, some creatures from questionable origins, and some people in indistinguishable outfits that were nonetheless threatening with their double-barrelled-guns.
Darius grumbled as he tried to push past some people discussing the merits of sending messages through the aether instead of just using pigeons. He was on his way to meet the captain of one of the airships. Apparently they usually had a chimneysweep on board as their type of airship had several chimneys, but the chimneysweep had mysteriously disappeared somewhere above Siberia, so they could do with some sweeping while they were on the lookout for a new chimneysweep who was okay with joining them on questionable travels. Darius wasn`t up for that, but a quick cleaning (and the quick money that came with it) was okay with him.