UK day 10 (?): Edinburgh

So yeah, I turn out to be really good at keeping up a blog and a vlog while making my way through several cities.

Sorry about that.

I have really been keeping myself very busy though. I’m generally outside for at least 13 hours each day, if not more. I generally move through cities like a maniac, taking in as many experiences and sights as possible.

So far though, I have been having an absolutely amazing time. I have so many new experiences, I don’t even know where to begin listing them. Do I list the tourist attractions? Do I list the unique experiences? Do I list the daily scary things? The things I bought? Experiences can be defined in many different ways, and none of them seem to really define what this trip feels like.

I’m not even sure I even know myself.

Things haven’t all been sunshine and awesome things though. Of course it’s not, I’m here for 3 weeks, I will go through different things and emotions in that time, and that’s okay. I’ve been trying very hard to not let any difficult feelings stop me from doing things, and have been mostly succesful in this, too.

I have been pushing through as much as I can, though I have had to take time off and just wander around with my camera, doing nothing but taking pretty pictures of landscape views, somewhere away from people. I’ve found the solitude, just me and my camera, focusing on photography, helps calm me down.

It doesn’t always work, or sometimes only temporary, but it’s something at least.

Still, completely random bouts of anxiety aside, there are a lot of great experiences. I have met amazing people, some of whom I already can’t imagine ever having not known them. I’ve seen gorgeous sights, walked through places I had never expected I could manage in my life. I’ve done things I’d never thought I’d be capable of doing. Above all, I have made great memories, and am very, very happy that I decided to go on this trip.

So, in a very, very quick summary of things I’ve done and seen that I’m proud of:
Manage to get to new cities by myself. Actually ask people things I either need to know or just want to know. Go to a ghost tour. Dance with a nice boy. Ask people to do something for me. Walk up to people that I admire/look up to and talk to them. Only almost cry at the Harry Potter Studio Tours. Find my own way around strange cities. Have an opinion and stick with it. Admit liking something that isn’t considered the cool thing. Tell people off for making fun of me liking something.

There’s probably more, but this is a good impression anyway. There are still things I’m not proud of doing. I’ve done and said stupid things. There’s been and still is a lot of anxiety and insecurity and self-loathing and 3 weeks of travelling is not going to magically fix it. It’s easier to get out of that comfort zone and do new things when your entire day already consists of doing new things to begin with. What’s going to be difficult, is keeping up the pattern of new and scary things when I get back.

But I’m learning, and I probably will be learning for the rest of my life, as there’s insane amounts of work to do in terms of self-improvememt, but at least there’s small amounts of progress.

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